if i can run in heels then i can drive
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
