Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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