so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
