I'm eating all of the evidence.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I think i got beer on your cat.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
