There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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