Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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