Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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