Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
