so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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