Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
