Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
