i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize