I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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