A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize