Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
