Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
