I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
