good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I checked into jail on foursquare
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
