Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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