when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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