is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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