I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Fuck appropriateness.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
