she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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