how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You have to summon your inner elephant
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
