dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
