I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
