this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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