so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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