i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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