We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
