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if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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