READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I got inside last night via doggy door
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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