i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
