Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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