Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
