No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
