I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
well you can't waste a boner
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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