just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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