I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize