we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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