Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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