called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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