I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
