Are we in a gay sports bar?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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