i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
