Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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