I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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