there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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