life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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