My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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