from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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