There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
