what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
