i permit you to call me
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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