he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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