Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
