I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i love accidental penises.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Randomize
