haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
