Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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