well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
