Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
ugly people sure do ruin things
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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