omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
