thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
