I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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