sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
